My husband and I are in our forever home. After nine years here, our roots run deep. It’s not our dream house or even that spacious, but it fits our family and it’s home.
Recently, we made the decision to stay put and stopped our drive-by house shopping. We can live with the formal dining room-turned-home office and the too-small closets. But our decision did cause us to start looking at our house a little more closely. The upstairs bathroom we’ve ignored for years suddenly got the attention it needed. My hubby noticed the walls had more fingerprints than enamel, so we got out the paintbrushes. And we weren’t sure when the carpet got so dirty, but a steam cleaner was quickly rented.
Somewhere along the way, we had stopped maintaining our home and focused our attention on what we didn’t have. But the more care and repair we gave our space, the more we appreciated it. Maintaining a home takes hard work and commitment, time and a little elbow grease.
The same is true with marriage. If we spend our time focusing on what we don’t have together or on what others do have, we foster a sense of discontentment. And while turning a blind eye to issues sometimes seems easier than fixing them, a marriage – just like a home – suffers in the long run. Ignoring our marriages and issues that arise will result in a dilapidated relationship. We must work diligently to build a marriage up, repairing the broken places and strengthening weak points.
A good marriage is only as good as its foundation. Solid marriages are built on the firm foundation of Christ and take ongoing care and attention. Can you imagine building your dream home on a cracked foundation? We’d fit right in with the foolish builder Jesus warns us about in Matthew 7. With a firm foundation in Him, there are building steps we can take to construct a stronger marriage.
1. FORGE A DEEP FRIENDSHIP
I married my best friend. Long before a romantic spark was ignited, my husband and I were companions who shared dreams and jokes and bad days together. Seventeen years later, Terrell is still my closest friend. But there has been temptation along the way to replace that loyalty with a best girlfriend or two. Women understand women and men understand men. Though community with friends is healthy, it isn’t meant to replace oneness in a marriage. Making your spouse your ultimate confidant, being his or her biggest fan, sharing the happy moments and dark days, creates an intimacy that is holy and good, and it can only improve your union.
2. OPERATE IN A SPIRIT OF LOVE
I’m a writer. My computer ranks in my top five list of all-time important possessions. So when I woke up one day and was locked out of my email (for 8 hours), I panicked. When I discovered that my hubby had accidentally locked me out while trying to update my computer, I sort of went crazy. But when I stepped back and acknowledged my husband’s motivation was to help me, I quickly forgave him and moved on. Operating in a spirit of love in the little things is crucial. This comes from the ability to remember your spouse’s heart in the matter and remind yourself of his or her good intentions. Plus, love covers a multitude of technology problems. Love “is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).
3. UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR TIME TOGETHER
With busy lives, it’s easy to go without regular date nights. For my husband and me, the small snippets of conversation and late night chats weren’t enough. Soon our marriage began to suffer the effects of bad priorities. We weren’t as good in our jobs or as parents because our communion with each other was second place. It takes discipline and effort to maintain consistent, regular time together with your spouse. If you wait for it to happen, it won’t. We solved the problem with a babysitting co-op. Terrell and I take turns with another couple a minimum of once a month and watch each other’s kids.
4. NEGOTIATE TIME APART
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that’s absolutely right. An occasional retreat, hunting trip, or girls’ weekend gives us time to separate and reflect. My favorite part of going away is coming home. I miss my people, and I’m a better wife when I’ve had a chance to rest or pursue personal goals and dreams. Developing positive interests and hobbies gives you a sense of satisfaction and builds your confidence. It also gives you an avenue to support and cheer on the mate God has given you.
5. DESIGN A BATTLE PLAN
Though I’m embarrassed of many silly battles my husband and I have had over the years, our infamous potato soup fight is probably the most ridiculous. I doubled the recipe for homemade potato soup so my hubs would have leftovers of his favorite meal. But when I served it, he continued to go back for more. As he refilled his bowl for the third time, I seethed and started a verbal onslaught. He responded by dumping the entire refilled bowl into the trash can. Neither of us won that battle. We can laugh about it now, but we’ve learned not to let the little foxes destroy the vine (Song of Songs 2:15) by warring over small skirmishes. Don’t let petty arguments get the best of you. Consider deciding on a code word to use.
6. ASSEMBLE A HOUSE OF PRAYER
The beauty of a strong marriage is the ability to be vulnerable with your spouse. I went to bed a few weeks ago carrying a heavy burden for a close friend. I tossed and turned. Terrell could sense something wrong and pulled me close. I shared the situation with him and when he said, “Let me pray for her and for you,” I immediately felt relieved. The situation was just as dire, but in my distress and proximity to the problem, I couldn’t even pray for myself. My husband lifted me up and I was able to join in and ask God to intervene. We aren’t a marriage of two; we are a union of One: me, him, and God. Our prayers are messy, a true reflection of our lives. But the intimacy that comes with bearing each other’s burdens and inviting God into the mix is incredible.
7. TAKE ACTION AGAINST LUST
The Internet, smartphones, and social media have changed the way we live. No longer must people seek out pornography – it pursues us. Our deviant world has taken full advantage of the technological changes and is after our homes with a vengeance. We cannot sit idle and say, “My husband would never look at another woman,” or “My wife would never develop an emotional affair with a Facebook friend.” We must wear our full armor and only find fulfillment in our spouse. A marriage that’s hot and holy is one that is only finding sexual fulfillment in each other – not by taking a long second glance at a coworker or reading steamy romance novels. Stand guard against lust and solely seek each other out to meet your physical and emotional needs.
8. IGNITE YOUR SEX LIFE
When you only have eyes for your spouse, you ignite a spark in your marriage that will burn bright. Equally sexy: wives respecting husbands and husbands loving their wives. Nothing fans the flame of physical attraction more than a wife showing her husband the respect he needs (even if you don’t feel like giving it in the moment). Husbands tenderly loving their wives by showing attention and throwing in a dab of romance will offer a return a blessing (even if she’s not showing the respect he craves). When you can get into the cycle of love and respect, instead of disrespect and indifference, it puts your marriage in the place of receiving mutual physical love from each other. Sex is a good gift from God.
9. OPT FOR TEAMWORK
Speaking of romance, there’s nothing sexier to me than catching my husband folding a load of clean towels. Isn’t it nice when your significant other pitches in and helps manage the work? However you decide to split household chores, marriage comes down to one thing: teamwork. Build up your marriage by taking time to serve your spouse and overseeing home essentials together.
10. NAVIGATE A COUNTER-CULTURAL LIFE
We are called to be different (1 Peter 2:11). Our marriages and homes should look foreign to the world. They should point to Him. When the divorce rate among Christian couples is nearly identical to non-Christians, something is wrong.
We’ve blended into the world, and it’s hard to tell who is who. Living simply, choosing to be debt-free, and raising children counter-culturally isn’t just radical. It’s biblical. Your marriage will strengthen when you and your spouse choose to oppose the world together and cling to Him. Go against the flow of the culture in your marriage by maintaining holiness and a lifestyle that points to Christ.
source:www.ngalive.com/
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