How do we actually know that we or other people are
being negative?
It is very important that we know if what we think, feel or do is negative or not. And that we
understand where it is coming from. And so, we have to set a parameter, a definition of the word
negativity. In this book, we will be defining this word by giving situations.
Here is a checklist of negativity.
Complaining about everything
Being irritable and uneasy
Using “can’t” in almost all conversation
Blaming and attacking others
Making excuses
Stating conspiracy theories
Refusing change
Discrediting others
Being bitter when others succeed
Believing he or she is always right
Being extremely angry when something goes wrong
Against any criticism
Using insulting remarks
Always against anything
Giving compliments followed by “but”
Absence of goals in life
Discussing about failures always
Do you know someone who is showing any or all these traits? If yes, the more that you read through
the solutions on how to deal with these kind of people in the next chapters.
Chapter 2
How to Deal with Negative People?
Early one morning, I arrived at the office feeling fresh, prepared, happy, hopeful, and with a big smile
on my face. I’d say I was in my best mood when suddenly I heard one of my officemates crying. I
approached her and asked. She then began to spill out everything she’s going through, including all
her complaints about the company and her life. And that just ruined my day.
Reality tells us that everywhere and anytime, we may experience such kind of negative vibe, sucking
all our energy. We try hard to stay happy and positive but there are times when the negativity pulls us
completely that we too feel the same way. We get drained, exhausted and depressed. But, hey!
Although meeting these types of people can be unavoidable, we can actually transform a negative
situation into a positive one just like what sanguine people do.
We are not to avoid the person here; instead, we are to deal with the negativity in the situation. Are
you familiar with the 2006 movie Peaceful Warrior? One of the popular lines is:
“The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.”
On that note, here are ways on how to deal with negative people around us.
Get to know the person.
Again, we would reiterate, it is not the person that you will avoid but rather the negativity in the
situation itself. If you will avoid the person, you are actually not helping; instead, you are making the
situation worst and this negative vibe will chase you wherever you go, whether you talk again to this
person or you go somewhere else. That is why instead of running, you have to get to know the person.
So you asked, “What do I need to know about him?” There is more, more than his or her personal
details. You need to dig deep in order to unravel the reason why. But, why do you need to do this? It
is for the simple reason that this will actually make it easier to deal with the negativity.
So you spend time with this person, eat snacks, lunch or dinner together. It is only through this that you
get to know the real him. Why does he or she act that way or is that really the true him. When you
understand the person, you can give advices that will suit his life circumstance without any hint of
resistance or hesitation at all. He or she will listen to you and then the negative vibration will fade
away in the long run. Are you excited for that to happen? You should be. Just imagine a life where
you don’t have to worry about those negative people around you because they have become positive
people like you do. Isn’t that great?
Just like sanguine individuals, you are actually becoming brave and sociable; one who does not see
the negativity in the person but instead uplifts the situation into a happy and positive mood. Sanguine
types do not actually entertain vibe at all, they go to the person, change the topic, bond with the
person, and fill the mood with fun and happiness. So the negativity subsides and fades away.
Introduce the person in a group.
Most negative individuals are alone or if not, they are only with the same one or two persons. Why? It
is because the people around avoid him. They do not like to engage or talk to this person. Some do
not care while others are even afraid to see him. Can you imagine how sad that is for him? Or how
bad the situation is for everyone? We are not for this. Our aim here is to help the person. And, another
way to do is by introducing him into a group.
But of course, before you do this, you have already explained everything to your group of positive
friends. You have told them everything they need to know. So when it’s all set, you invite him for a
group hang out. Say, you can go for a dinner date and then see a concert afterwards or go for a
videoke hang out.
Make him feel he belong to the group and slowly, make him understand the importance of having a lot
of friends and how to bring people closer to him. Every day, make him understand the value of posing
a positive and happy personality and of course forming deep friendships.
Through this way, he will realize that being a loner is not good. Being alone actually makes it easy for
negative vibes to go near and overpower one’s positive personality. When he is in one corner, staring
at things or people around him, he doesn’t have someone, a real person to talk to and express what is
on his mind or what he feels. He can’t express his happiness, sadness or anger. This is actually the
reason why he becomes irritable and uneasy and is having a hard time connecting with people. So
anyone could not easily connect to him and thus, see him as a negative person, someone who is not
suitable for friendship. Also, being alone, if you have observed, makes you more sensitive about the
things around us, even the smallest of things, which if you do not have the capacity to control can lead
you to feel depress.
Going back to sanguine people, they are actually very sociable. In fact, they do not like or even hate
being alone. They like to be in a group, hang out with them and do meaningful things. So open his eyes
to this kind of environment. Become his light in the middle of his dark path. Make him shine together with anyone else.
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